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Kevin
Last seen: 1 year 6 months ago
Joined: 10/13/2016 - 10:36
Was he kidding me?

Hi guys!! My name is Kevin and I will be appreciating each of you who can help somehow in my situation. You know two years ago we (I and my partner) went through the program of surrogate motherhood. It was one of our most serious decisions ever. We thought that we are ready to become dads. But know what? When everything was done and we took our child home we even didn’t know what to do…all our free time, energy were spent on child…the first year was very hard and then we thought that it will be our only child…but guess what??? Several days ago my partner asked me one question: “if there was a possibility would you become a dad once more?” I didn’t know what to answer…it was so unexpectedly for me…we agreed not to have children anymore because it is too hard and now we think about one more? To tell the truth I also think that everything seems much easy on the second year. I thought he will never ask this question…he saw my reaction and big eyes and began to laugh…then he said: “it was very funny to see your reaction! Relax! I was kidding!!” with these words he left the room. But I am sure he wasn’t kidding…now I don’t know how to start this topic again…and if it is worth to do? How do you think was he really kidding me? Or was he just afraid to talk on this serious theme only because of my strange reaction? I didn’t expect ..really..and I can’t be sure that I am against the second child….

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Patrick
Last seen: 1 year 3 months ago
Joined: 10/18/2016 - 17:09
Hello Kevin! It is hard for

Hello Kevin! It is hard for me to judge - if he was kidding, because I can see the whole situation only thanks to your words, but as for me, I think that he tactfully avoided conversation and wasn't kidding. Maybe he wants to have a big family, and see that now you have a lot of experience and are ready to have another child. I think that you had such conversations and talked before the first child about the desired number of children. So in this case - why are you surprised. If not, anyway, you have to discuss this serious question, because in future it will be the result of serious quarrel. Just think about it, maybe somewhere, deep inside, you realize and have such desire too?

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Kevin
Last seen: 1 year 6 months ago
Joined: 10/13/2016 - 10:36
I also think more that he

I also think more that he wasn’t really kidding me… to tell the truth I think that with times everything that wasn’t said can really spoil our relations and I don’t want this. I love my man and will do everything for him to be happy. It is not easy to be happy nowadays and in our situation but we try. I think that people who love each other should listen to each other and sometimes we even do what we don’t like… in any case I think we should talk about…but how to start??? Should I wait for a particular opportunity or situation??? how do you think guys??? Would like to listen to more opinions….heeeeeeeeeeeelp pleeeeeeeeeaaase..

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Patrick
Last seen: 1 year 3 months ago
Joined: 10/18/2016 - 17:09
You know, when I am going to

You know, when I am going to discuss some serious topic with my partner, it may sound foolishly, but I prepare a romantic dinner, so he has a chance to relax, and after some glass of wine - we like to discuss our dreams and problems, so this is exactly that moment when you can discuss it in a calm atmoshepe, without some tension and aggression. Yes, you get used to such situation, now you know a lot about parenting, but also you have not forget about your relations, I mean - you and him, and after the second child you will forget about it again. Maybe you have to wait more? Not to say No, just wait a little.

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Kevin
Last seen: 1 year 6 months ago
Joined: 10/13/2016 - 10:36
Hmmm…you now the idea with a

Hmmm…you now the idea with a romantic dinner is not so bad….i even don’t remember when we last have it. When we didn’t have a child we had it approximately twice a week….but last two years I even don’t know if we managed to stay alone and have something like that. The nice idea!!! Thank you!!! I think these weekends are perfect and we can have some romantic dinner and  spend some time alone. Think I should think about where to leave the child and devote this time only for us too and then in a particular moment I will start the talk. Thank you for a good idea very much. 

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Phil
Last seen: 1 year 11 months ago
Joined: 10/21/2016 - 11:43
Hello, Kevin! 

Hello, Kevin! 
Listen.. I think  he really wants  one more  child in your family but  only in that case if you  wants that too. Yes , he saw  your reaction and  that was enough for him to understand   your opinion. To be honest , sometimes  I do the same, I ask  my partner in kidding way about thing which I am afraid to ask directly. wink I think  you have   to offer him  discuss this topic seriously and openly.

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Phil

Ben_R
Last seen: 1 year 3 months ago
Joined: 10/23/2016 - 13:36
I think that the family

I think that the family happiness is not in the quantity of the kids) When there is a couple that has no kids - and one of the partners does want the kid -and other does not - that is a serious problem that does indicate the completely different approaches to the goals in he future of the family life.. Usually that does even lead to the break up. But when there is one kid - and one partner wants one more, while the other does not.. .The first one should step aside. Cause while you are having one kid - you do have the happiness for both of us, and if there will be another one which will be unwanted for one of the parents - that is going to ruin the family. Just ask him - "we do have the kid? The only kind - and that is not enough for you?"

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Patrick
Last seen: 1 year 3 months ago
Joined: 10/18/2016 - 17:09
Ben, maybe you are right, and

Ben, maybe you are right, and the happiness is not in the quantity, but also I have some friends who really want tohave A BIG FAMILY. I don't think that this is a bad idea, especially if these guys have possibility to do it. Why not? We live only once, and I think that we have to realize all our drems and desires... Don't you think so? And it your partner for example would say - I want to have a second child - you would say NO?

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Kevin
Last seen: 1 year 6 months ago
Joined: 10/13/2016 - 10:36
You know everything is so

You know everything is so complicated last days but know what? Patrick thank you very much for the simple but very good idea about the romantic dinner. We had it these weekends and know what? We had a great romantic dinner and then passionate sex. We haven’t been so close since our first year together. You know our feelings seem awoke from some sleep. And then we had time for a sincere talk. We talk about what is very important for me now and you know it wasn’t a joke…he wasn’t kidding me and he was so happy when I said that I am not against and that this topic is in my head these several weeks…

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Patrick
Last seen: 1 year 3 months ago
Joined: 10/18/2016 - 17:09
Kevin, I am really glad for

Kevin, I am really glad for you. Glad that helped you in some way, and glad that you found the common language and support from your partner, and now have the same desire. So now you know my method, it also helps me great, so have fun guys) Wish to hear soon about the second child)))

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Ben_R
Last seen: 1 year 3 months ago
Joined: 10/23/2016 - 13:36
Kevin, you are writing that

Kevin, you are writing that you are not sure you are against the second child.. In other words - you are not sure if you want it as well. In that case it is better to say no to your partner - at least for now. The kid is something you can have only when you are completely sure of that - because there is no way back,. I think it is not a tragedy, since you do already have one kid - besides you are both young, so there is not need to be hasty. As I know when you do have one kid - it is better psychologically for him to have the second one after the first one is going to grow up a little bit and will demand less attention to himself. So I hope you are not going to argue about this at least)

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