Our life - a very simple thing. We just have too much fear to gain new knowledge through experiment or solve their problems without experience. Ask questions and listen actively. If you have gotten into the habit of telling your spouse what to do, it is time to stop in your tracks and start asking instead. And do not be put off by initial responses such as "Oh I don't know, whatever you suggest is fine by me." That is the sign of someone long resigned to just agreeing for the sake of peace or getting things done. Keep probing gently and asking what your spouse really wants. When they tell you, listen.
If you have the desire, you can always find a way to get what you want, or at least a small instruction for this, heh heh. It might be all too easy to think you already know the answer but in 99% of the time, you won't. So listen and respond to what you hear, not what you want to hear. Speak up. On the other hand, if you have become the doormat in your marriage, it is time to start saying how you feel, offering your opinions and giving your take on how you would like to do certain things. You might have to take time to develop the courage to do this but do it in baby steps and bit by bit, you will start to change your approach to just accepting things as they have always seemed to be.
I'm no expert in this, as well as a lot of guys here. But I really hope that the knowledge’s of each of us can help. Compromise. Whether you have been the chief organizer or the chief follower, learning compromise is the key to a happy relationship from here on. Learn how to make suggestions that take into account both parties. Agreeing to do an activity that your spouse wants to do this time provided your spouse does an activity of yours next time and set a date! Agreeing to do some of the activity that your spouse wants to do but adding in your ideas as well, so that the whole activity is a true combination of both your perspectives and wants.
Sometimes it's really important just to hear the opinion of someone else. This gives you an opportunity to look at the situation from the outside. Then everything becomes a lot easier. Sharing tasks that neither enjoys doing by creating task charts that can be flexibly juggled around where needed. For example, vacuuming might be a chore taken on by one spouse most of the time except when they are unwell, away, or really busy. The other spouse can pick up on these occasions on the understanding that the spouse will return to the task when the situation is resolved rather than the new arrangement turning into the norm.
It's just the way in which I think. In any case, I think it is always much better to look for what you are looking for among those people who know enough about it. Chore creep after agreement can make the spouse who is lumped with an unfair level of chores very frustrated. Agreeing to give each other time out from household and parenting duties on a regular basis. This will give both spouses an expectation of free time rather than it being assumed that "someday down the track the other spouse will notice how overworked I am...". Unless such arrangements are made explicitly and clearly, they will not simply magic themselves into being.
We should always help each other so that the world can be really cruel to us. So, we can only hope to help each other. Listen to what I will tell you. Move on to collaborating. Compromise is still a situation in which some things are lost and some are won. It is a balancing exercise of competing interests and it is a good tool to grow cooperation. Ultimately, however, both of you might like to aim for a collaborative relationship. Meaning that the activities, pursuits, shared living arrangements etc. that both of you perform together become a result of collaboration where both of your input is equal, considerate of the other, builds on all the positive aspects of your contributions and creates an environment in which both of you thrive as distinct, important individuals who are totally supportive of one another.
I'm not the standard of erudition, but in any case, I hope that my opinion can also bring at least some kind benefits. It carries no sense of either partner having to give up anything for or feel subsumed or outshone by the other person. Instead, choices are made by each individual with love, respect and care for the other uppermost in their decisions. This can take years to perfect and it's a wonderful journey. If one of you is a spendaholic and the other a total thrifty, compromise is essential to easing money tensions. The thrifty person needs to learn to splurge now and then, while the spendaholic needs to curb the spending urges.
I can not tell too much because I do not know enough about it. But in any case, I hope that my thoughts and words can also bring at least something good. Identify what is driving you. Humans are competitive by nature. Before you pick a fight, make sure you understand what is really motivating your reaction. If you are being prompted by an important difference of opinion, so be it. But if you are disagreeing simply for the sake of disagreeing, check your impulses. Weigh the strength of your feelings against those of your partner. If you know your partner feels more strongly about the matter (and has a legitimate point), yield some ground.
There are so many thoughts as there are so many people. Opinions differ greatly and this is not a surprise. Understand that compromise is not surrender. People often resist compromising because they think of it as defeat. But compromise is not surrender. Compromise is a truce. Truces are established between two parties who recognize that there is no definitive way to prove a winner, without massive carnage. A truce does not require you to believe that your partner’s claims are actually superior to your own. You simply need to understand your partner’s worth—that he or she deserves to be spared hostile, prolonged and unproductive warfare.
Compromise is vital in any relationship, whether it’s with coworkers, friends, family members or your partner. It’s important to know when to stand your ground, but also to know which battles are worth fighting. Check out these seven tips on learning to compromise, and how it will help improve any of your relationships.The first problem with fights is that everyone involved wants to be right. We all want to win! It’s understandable that you feel that way, but it’s something you need to stop feeling. When you want to win, you’re not listening to the other side of the argument or conversation. Suspend your need to be right and listen to your partner, friend or coworker.After you rethink your expectations, be willing to act on the changes as you see fit. It’s one thing to say you’re willing to compromise, but another thing entirely to actually act on that change. A major part of compromising is actually following through with the resolution. This will show others that you’re willing to compromise completely, not just make false promises in order to end a fight.
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