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Morningstar
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 10/09/2016 - 17:34
Dealing with extremely shy friend

I have a friend. He realised that he is a gay not that long time ago. And he is very shy to be open gay for now. Shy people exist everywhere, and often they are misunderstood by those who don't feel shy. I understand it. But like everyone of us, they possess the same desire to know and be known. The only difference is that they often lack the confidence and skills of being friendly. So I decided to help him. ( Sure maybe he does not want to be helped but who cares :) he is a friend of mine) So guys. Need your advice. How to make my friend more open minded? Is it possible?

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Samuel
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 09/28/2016 - 09:10
Dealing with extremely shy friend

Open mind and self-confidence are quite different things, that's why you should distinguish them properly. If your friend is very shy, you should provide him with all suitable, and comfortable conditions of communication. First of all, try to get to know, perhaps there is the reason why he is so shy today.

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1176

YourHubby
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 09/28/2016 - 09:10
Dealing with extremely shy friend

It is very nice of you that you want to help him but think if he realy needs that help. Don't feel you are obligated to try to help anyone
Everyone is responsible for their own social development. If you know someone who is awkward ( your friend or someone else) , there is no law that says you have to go out of your way to help them. I think if you genuinely like and care about someone, and you already enjoy their company, but can just see how they could benefit from improving their social skills or confidence a bit, then by all means try to help them along.

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1228

HappyDaddy
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 09/28/2016 - 09:10
Dealing with extremely shy friend

It is very nice of you to try to help your friend. Talk to him.Consider what he wants to change and why. Is he bothered by a lack of social skills? Does he struggle with superficial conversations, showing your feelings, experience frequent awkward pauses in conversations, or other practical problems? Perhaps he manages to come across sociable enough, but still wish he didn't always feel so uncomfortable and insecure.Also ask him how much he really want to change – not everyone is or can be a social butterfly. Don't waste efforts comparing yourself to others. He should not tell himself that he should be like them. This is simply negative reinforcement, which will only make him feel like he is different, alone, and, in extreme cases, even inferior.

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1238

Vincent
Last seen: 1 year 11 months ago
Joined: 07/12/2016 - 10:02
Dealing with extremely shy friend

Often we condemn people who are not able to feel the tightness in any situations. We they seem vulgar, too liberated, and in some ways even arrogant. But they can be fun and interest to spend time, and people always achieve success in life, because they are not afraid of difficulties. A shy person is perceived by us as boring, uninteresting and closed. And, unfortunately, in the soul of these people accumulated mass of negative emotions, because they want to change their character, but they would not succeed. I think the best advice is simply to change the attitude towards life for your friend.

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Barboro
Last seen: 1 year 11 months ago
Joined: 07/12/2016 - 10:03
Dealing with extremely shy friend

At the time, excessive shyness was inherent in me. And in many situations, it gave me a feeling of discomfort, because the new company called a spiritual fear, and interaction with people was constrained and somehow ridiculous. Despite this, I had friends, but with whom I would like to communicate - they considered me unsuitable to its terms. Periodically there are more envious of successful people, I would like to be in their places. The most hurtful thing was that in my heart I was set free, I know what you can talk to people, to please them, I might take the initiative to lead the people. But some kind of invisible barrier prevented me that literally made me silent. I think your friend should understand the barrier and break it.

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Aaron
Last seen: 1 year 11 months ago
Joined: 07/12/2016 - 10:03
Dealing with extremely shy friend

The most frightening is the first step, after embarking on the path of struggle with shyness at first have thoughts that nothing good will come of it, but distant goal and does seem unreachable. The first thing you need to realize that the people around them are absolutely no different from you. And if they believe in themselves, they are considered interesting personalities, they can easily find a common language with anyone, it is worse than you? Enough to fade behind them! Your friend can also become the soul of the company, can achieve great success in life can lead the people.

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Frank
Last seen: 2 years 2 months ago
Joined: 07/08/2016 - 09:20
Dealing with extremely shy friend

Do not forget that even the most influential and respected people are the same, just like you, they also need rest, nutrition, sleep, they also have their own dreams and desires, and they also have faced in your life with troubles. Sometimes we perceive failure as the end of the world. It seems that people are secretly scoff at us and blamed for the mistakes. In fact, you too are exaggerating. And even if there was some kind of absurd situation, due to which you are subjected to insulting jokes from colleagues or friends, then at least it is in the past. You have to explain it to him.

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Milton
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 07/12/2016 - 10:04
Dealing with extremely shy friend

Not on time made an important step, the unspoken good idea not had a frank conversation with a significant person - these are just a small part of the events of our personal lives, which often stands for shyness. A shy person does not allow himself spontaneity in his words and actions, instead he has to carefully monitor himselve when communicating with others. In the words of the author, it is as though an invisible barrier prevents - irrational fear present themselves, so as not to seem ridiculous, irrelevant, to fail. Maybe you should try to explain to your friend that he is destroying his life with the help of shyness.

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Johnson
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 07/12/2016 - 10:04
Dealing with extremely shy friend

What is the reason for this behavior? What happens in the inner world of a shy person? According to the American psychologist Philip Zimbardo, who belongs to the most fundamental study of this topic, shyness due to the recognition of human worthlessness and constant concern about your actions. Shy people have inadequate self-esteem, makes itself too demanding, his image of "I'm Real" has a strong break with the image of "I am perfect." The image of "I" of the other person sees criticize / reject, so contact with it is perceived as potentially dangerous, carrying a threat to the already fragile self-esteem and self-respect. Talk about it with your friend.

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Ismual
Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 07/12/2016 - 10:04
Dealing with extremely shy friend

The tremendous amount of spiritual strength of such a person goes to disguise and leveling of the distance between the realistic and the master image of himself in the eyes of others. Shyness makes a person too preoccupied himself and the impression he makes on others. Most shy people learn to avoid situations in which they may feel embarrassed, and thus more and more separate themselves from the others, focusing on their faults. According to the majority of experts dealing with this issue, the foundation of self-consciousness, of course, is laid in childhood. The reason for its occurrence are the same excessive demands of parents (educators, teachers, social environment) to be met by the child / adolescent.

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